"Do you have any change for a cup of tea?"

"Yeah, try Coffee..."

Down the pub last night -
I nearly had the Trivia Competition
done & dusted ,
till the very last question...
which apparently was wrong.
The question was,
"Where do women have the curliest hair?" Apparently, the correct answer was
in the West Indies .

The lollipop lady helped me clear snow

off the car this morning ,

The collision did shake a fair bit off .

I gave my handyman a to-do list,

but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5.

Turns out he only does odd jobs.

Good tip for this time of year ...

If your house is cold,

just stand in a corner.

It’s always 90 degrees there ,

Go upstairs - it will probably be higher .

I don't throw perfectly good food away .

I put it in Tupperware box ,

till it goes bad .

then I throw it away.

What do you call a Blind deer ?

No eye Deer ,

What do you call a Deer that's Blind ,

with no legs ?

Still no eye Deer .

What do you call a Deer that's blind ,

with no legs & no Dick ?

Still no fucking eye Deer .

Got a new pen .

It writes underwater ,

It can also write other words ,

A man tells his wife, to get her coat ,

as he's going to the pub.

Oh good, 'am I coming with you' she asks.

No,

he replies, I'm turning the heating orf !

Just heard ,

Trumpy is doing a deal on Dictators -

same day delivery ...

Hoping to get a Starmer as a garden ornament ,

something for the dog to piss up .