An atheist was enjoying a swim in Loch Ness ,
Suddenly Nessie appeared & attacked him .
"GOD HELP ME" he cried ,
Suddenly, the monster and everything around it just froze.
A voice Boomed from the heavens
"You don't believe in me,
but you're asking for my help?"
The atheist peered up and said,
"Well Sir, ten seconds ago ,
I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either.

More of a Christmas tip , than a joke ...

Wrap empty toy boxes, for under the tree.
If the kids act up before x-mas,
throw one in the fireplace.
This works quite quickly .

A Teacher was Teaching Religion .
so he asked his class,
" Where is Jesus today ???"
Steven raised his hand and said
" He's in heaven. "
Mary was called on and answered,
" He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously,
blurted out,
"I know, I know,! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet,
& looked at teacher for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for words.
He finally asked little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said,
" Well...every morning, my father gets up,
bangs on the bathroom door,
and yells
" Jesus Christ, are you still in there !!!"

It's that time of year ,

When someone has to go down to the cellar ,

To Defrost Mariah Carey .

Be careful thou , she's a bit cranky ,

Till she gets a basket full of puppies ,

Have a good Christmas folks -

I'm off to stuff the Turkey with my special Mayo .

For those Christians who boast -

'Jesus fed the Five thousand'

Should remember Hitlers effort's

He made six million Jews Toast .