If I knew I was going to be this thirsty today...

Id've drunk more last night .

Whats black and blue and hates sex?

A rape victim

DAM ...

It's so cold outside ,

Starmer has his hands ,

in his own pockets .

I took one of those sex questionnaire's earlier,

It took a while,

but in the end,

I was surprised to learn ...

I was being released without charge.

It's that time of year ,

When someone has to go down to the cellar ,

To Defrost Mariah Carey .

Be careful thou , she's a bit cranky ,

Till she gets a basket full of puppies ,

Have a good Christmas folks -

I'm off to stuff the Turkey with my special Mayo .

The BBC would make a really good secret agent ...

No matter how they are interrogated ,

you will never get the truth out of them .

Isn't the phrase 'Good Golly' an oxymoron?

"Do you have any change for a cup of tea?"

"Yeah, try Coffee..."

If a mime gets arrested,
do they tell him
he has the right to remain silent ???

What was the best thing before sliced bread ???

Do infants enjoy infancy
as much as adults enjoy adultery ???

How is it possible to have a civil war ???

If one synchronised swimmer drowns,
do they all drown, too ???

If you try to fail, and succeed,
which have you done ???

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it ???

Why is it called tourist season ...
if we can't shoot at them ???

Why is there an expiration date ...
on sour cream ???

Can an atheist get insurance ...
against an act of God ???

A Teacher was Teaching Religion .
so he asked his class,
" Where is Jesus today ???"
Steven raised his hand and said
" He's in heaven. "
Mary was called on and answered,
" He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously,
blurted out,
"I know, I know,! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet,
& looked at teacher for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for words.
He finally asked little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said,
" Well...every morning, my father gets up,
bangs on the bathroom door,
and yells
" Jesus Christ, are you still in there !!!"

Random ...

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs ,
are probably not happy.

I have many jokes about unemployed people.
Sadly most of them don't work.

What do you do when hot pants catch on fire?
Put them out with a pantie-hose.

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape .

I was speaking to a honest politician ,
now that is a joke .