I give up ...

The Police were appealing for details
of a Racist attacker ,
I've sent them 3 CV's ,
And still haven't even offered
me a job interview .

PM Starmer is proving his worth at number 10 ,
He put the Christmas tree up himself ,
Kinky Bugger ,
And he didn't need the help of 3 Ukrainian
rent boys , this time .

I've been feeling a little moody / grumpy,

and rundown lately.

So I looked up my symptoms...

It's adulthood,

I have adulthood .

I take my morning coffee ,

like an American cop ...

Black , with a couple of shots in it.

The lollipop lady helped me clear snow

off the car this morning ,

The collision did shake a fair bit off .

I gave my handyman a to-do list,

but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5.

Turns out he only does odd jobs.

Good tip for this time of year ...

If your house is cold,

just stand in a corner.

It’s always 90 degrees there ,

Go upstairs - it will probably be higher .

I don't throw perfectly good food away .

I put it in Tupperware box ,

till it goes bad .

then I throw it away.

What do you call a Blind deer ?

No eye Deer ,

What do you call a Deer that's Blind ,

with no legs ?

Still no eye Deer .

What do you call a Deer that's blind ,

with no legs & no Dick ?

Still no fucking eye Deer .

I made a joke about Gaza earlier but it Israeli inappropriate.
I'll fetch my coat.

A kid in a cloths shop ,
put his hand up a Mannequins dress,
his mum tells him not to,
as there are teeth up there,
Years later when the kid has a girlfriend
they start kissing,
when the girl asks the boy,
if he wants to touch her privates,
he says no because there are teeth up there,
she says don't be silly
and shows him her privates,
after looking for a bit ,
he tells the girl no wonder you have no teeth, your gums are in a terrible state .

15 years ago today ,

my mate John came running out shouting ,

'It's a boy' , 'It's a boy' .

with tears streaming down his face.

We never went back to Thailand.