Operation Yewtree has started up again ...
looking into historic crimes of Dame Thatcher ,
Apparently she fu€ked a lot of Minors in the 80's

A ship passes by a remote island ,
& all the passengers see a bearded man
running around waving his arms widely.
"Captain," one of the passengers ask's,
"who is that man over there?"
"I have no idea", the Captain says,
"but he goes nuts every year , when we pass him."

I've just joined a band called 99 megabytes...

We haven't gotten a gig yet.

Told the boss ,
that three companies were after me ,
After the usual chat, He asked which ones,
I said,
Gas,
Electric,
and Water.

Regrets

Son: "Dad, do you have any regrets in life?"

Dad: "Yeah, I regret I never listened to your mother."

Son: "What did she try to tell you?"

Dad: "I've no idea."

It's that time of year ,

When someone has to go down to the cellar ,

To Defrost Mariah Carey .

Be careful thou , she's a bit cranky ,

Till she gets a basket full of puppies ,

Have a good Christmas folks -

I'm off to stuff the Turkey with my special Mayo .

More of a Christmas tip , than a joke ...

Wrap empty toy boxes, for under the tree.
If the kids act up before x-mas,
throw one in the fireplace.
This works quite quickly .

Random ...

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs ,
are probably not happy.

I have many jokes about unemployed people.
Sadly most of them don't work.

What do you do when hot pants catch on fire?
Put them out with a pantie-hose.

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape .

I was speaking to a honest politician ,
now that is a joke .

"Do you have any change for a cup of tea?"

"Yeah, try Coffee..."

A Teacher was Teaching Religion .
so he asked his class,
" Where is Jesus today ???"
Steven raised his hand and said
" He's in heaven. "
Mary was called on and answered,
" He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously,
blurted out,
"I know, I know,! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet,
& looked at teacher for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for words.
He finally asked little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said,
" Well...every morning, my father gets up,
bangs on the bathroom door,
and yells
" Jesus Christ, are you still in there !!!"

If one synchronised swimmer drowns,
do they all drown, too ???

If you try to fail, and succeed,
which have you done ???

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it ???

Why is it called tourist season ...
if we can't shoot at them ???

Why is there an expiration date ...
on sour cream ???

Can an atheist get insurance ...
against an act of God ???

If a mime gets arrested,
do they tell him
he has the right to remain silent ???

What was the best thing before sliced bread ???

Do infants enjoy infancy
as much as adults enjoy adultery ???

How is it possible to have a civil war ???