I got really bored at the weekend

so I opened a box of Celebrations

and swapped all the wrappers around.

The missus wasn't very happy,

she got her Snickers in a Twix!

The doctor says I will probably make a full recovery.
Dyson ball cleaners have a very misleading name!!

So ...

Windows has got bugs

Bill Gates got the clap

Epstine got the cure

Now his wife got the hump

what a nice bunch

The Epstein files show Prince Andrew

"on all fours"

always knew he liked em young .

Bill Gates's Russian hookers ,

claimed they didn't know him ,

Then someone mentioned micro & soft ,

& they vaguely remembered ,

but it was definite ,

when they were shown a 3 1/4 inch floppy.

Liberals call me a Racist ,

Its so not true ...

Some of my best victims are Black .

Olympic Update:
Starmer gets gold ...
in the downhill Premiership .

Followed by Andrew ,
(Formally Known as 'Prince')
In the sliding downhill ,
Who came second for a change.
His Teddies got the medal ,
as he's not allowed one .

Sir Keir Starmer gets a phone call ...

It's his art dealer buddy who is with Keirs wife .

'Hi Keir ,
your wife has made a wise investment -
She's just invested £50,000 in some pictures ,
That could potentially be worth millions ,'

Keir reply's 'my wife is quite clever ,
How are they now worth millions from a £50,000 investment ?'

'they are pictures of you and your Ukrainian rent boys's ' ...

Silence .

A penguin's car breaks down
on a hot summer day,
so he brings it to the walrus at the garage.

The walrus says he will take a look,
but it'll take some time to diagnose the issue.

The penguin decides to go for a short walk,
& buys himself a 99 cone.
He finished his last few licks
right as he makes it back to the shop.

The walrus says, "looks like you blew a seal".

The penguin replies, "what?
no, that's just ice cream"

Did you hear about the mathematician

who was afraid of negative numbers ???

He would stop at nothing to avoid them .

My mate needs a job.

I told him he should apply

for The Search And Rescue Team.

They're always looking for someone.

I wish some people wouldn't talk down

about the Australians ,

Some of their ancestors

were picked by our finest judges ;o)